I had a divine appointment with God on Monday night. There is no other way to put it. He wanted to meet with me, and I obeyed. It started with a feeling that I shouldn't go to bed. It was 11 P.M. and I knew I was supposed to do something, I just wasn't sure what. So I started to open some blogs I read about adopting and before I even got the address typed in I knew it was a book I was to read. So I went down to get the book "The Strength of Mercy" by Jan Beazely. What happened from the moment I started to read was God speaking to me.
About a quarter of the way through the book, I was marveling at how God spoke to Jan and how confident she was that it was God. See I have a tendency to worry about deceiving myself. When I "hear" (not audibly of course before you all think I have lost the little marbles I have left) God speaking to me, I often times worry that it wasn't God, it was my own ideas. I don't ever want to transfer my feelings and thoughts to God and "blame" him for my own thoughts. So to read of how confident Jan was that it was God speaking, I was immediately convicted that I needed to pray, so pray I did. I asked God to speak to me like that, and that I would *KNOW* it was Him. I also realized I needed a faith injection, so I asked for that too! Then I knew I needed to keep reading.
When I came to the part of the book (about half way through) where Heather, Jan's daughter, heard God speak and then started immediately obeying Him, I was blown away. I can't imagine what Jan and her husband were feeling! I was also so very humbled by Heather's faith. Suddenly, I found myself praying again. Asking for faith, asking for provision, and asking for clear and concise answers. I should add here that I have known for a long time that I would adopt someday. I just didn't realize that day was here. This is the least likely time in my life! I would speak of "if we adopt" and God was telling me "when you adopt". I can honestly tell you that the financial circumstances in our life right now are such that we aren't able to "afford" to do this. I was having trouble having faith that God would truly fund this. I mean come on, the cost is very close to a years salary for my husband!! We are moving. My husband is still an apprentice in the electrician's union and has 2 and a half more years! So in my mind, it just isn't the time. God told me that His timing is perfect... I went back to reading the book.
Again, I found myself praying. In the middle of the sentence I was reading, without any forethought, I started praying again. This time, I believe the Holy Spirit was praying words that I didn't know to pray. Romans 8 tells us this: 26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. I prayed words that I almost felt I shouldn't pray! I asked that God would place us with people who would fund this adoption. I asked God to place us in a house that would be big enough to hold 5 children. I asked God that the people who had the money to afford the adoption, but couldn't bring a child into their home for some reason, would partner with us so that we could bring our children home. I basically asked God for a check for 30 to 40 thousand dollars... Now don't think I am going to feel that God didn't listen if he doesn't give me a check that size, but also don't think that I doubt His ability to do so!!! He is able, what is money to God?
I finished the book, it took me about 4 hours between reading and praying. My divine appointment was coming to an end. I had shed tears. I had conquered fears. I had grown in faith. I also had the answers from God. I went to bed feeling spent, but at peace. I didn't know that night for sure, I needed to process. I knew we were adopting and that God had a child, maybe 2, that He wants us to raise. I fell to sleep.
After processing with my husband, and thinking about all that transpired Monday night, I know for sure. I have a clear answer. God has placed our babies in the Congo. Maybe I should say God will place our babies in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. I don't know how long the process will take. I found myself praying on Monday night that God would give my babies someone who loves them and holds them, that He would give them food to eat, and clean water, and that He would protect them from harm until we have them in our arms. I hadn't brought myself that far, but God did. I am seeing a little girl in my head, I keep picturing her face, I can see a little boy. I don't know for sure what His plan is and when it will happen, but He is and I am patient. God is so good to me, to us.